Do as I say, not as I do.

As a parent, you vacillate between marveling at the wonderful things your children do and shaking your head in bemusement at the things they do that make you speculate about their real parentage. Certainly no child of your's could do something so inane.

I can't tell you how many cell phones I've replaced for my two sons. They've been dropped on hard earth, dropped in bathtubs, run over, lost, stolen, and just basically beaten down from constant use. It always amazed me that they could lose or damage a phone so easily. About five years ago we finally got wise and purchased insurance and, of course, they have not damaged or lost a phone since. Every two years, they get an upgrade and go merrily on their way.

Then, this past January, I came home from the movies and couldn't find *my* phone. We called the theater - they said they had it. Not it. Close, but older and more beaten up. My thought is that the person who actually lost that phone came in, saw mine, and said, "yep, this is mine." Instant upgrade. I wasn't due for an upgrade till September, so my husband slid me one of his old Blackberries and I had my number transferred to that phone. I hated it, but it was my own fault I lost my other phone and I wasn't going to pay to upgrade early. (Although you'd think that being loyal customers paying through the nose for over ten years Verizon would throw me a bone, but no.) It was a pain to lock the keypad and I kept taking pictures of the inside of my pocket. If you scrolled through my pictures on the phone, more than half would be black - like I was trying to take a picture of a starless night sky.

Two months ago, the Blackberry started misbehaving. It hadn't worked all that well for my husband, and it apparently didn't like me any better. Back to Verizon. Since the Blackberry was under two years old, they agreed to replace it since it appeared to be a manufacturer issue. We waited for a phone to be delivered from a neighboring city (almost ten miles away!). This took three days (tortoise mail? snail mail? little old lady with a walker mail?). I really didn't want another Blackberry, but it was my only (free) option. Unfortunately (yeah!) the replacement had a few malfunctioning buttons and they were forced (yeah!) to let me pick out a new phone (for free!). The new enV3 had just come out the day before and I left with a brand new phone. Contented sigh.

This morning, a reminder went off on my phone - it was a reminder to start my son's car. He is away at college and if we don't start it once in awhile, it won't start at all. I snatched the phone off the bathroom counter (wait for it), and promptly dropped it in the (clean) toilet water. It couldn't have been in there for more than two seconds, but apparently that was enough. Maybe someday, someone will invent a phone that can remain waterproof for a second or two. I took out the battery, put the hairdryer on low cool and dried everything I could. It appeared to be working fine. Alas, all was not as well as it seemed. First it started vibrating constantly. Then the camera flash came on and stayed on (I swear that light could be seen from space!). Then the vibrating stopped, the light flickered, but the phone kept saying I was in an extended network and roaming. If my living room is 'roaming' I need a new plan! Then it wouldn't turn on. Then it wouldn't turn off. Then water seemed to appear from somewhere I could not pinpoint. I think the volume of water that came from the phone was greater than the displacement volume of the phone itself. It was almost like it was crying. Maybe the inside of the phone was made of sponge and little nanomites were in there squeezing the water out and cursing me. I could almost hear them.

Back to Verizon, where, again, I was shown no love. Luckily (for me - because my husband isn't one to let me live this down), I had purchased insurance on my enV3 when it was 'given' to me. So, all it will cost me is a deductible, a little embarrassment, and a few days without a phone (a horror almost worthy of its own movie these days.)

On the up side? At least I'll have another story to amuse my co-workers.

Holly